on my own

Well, Rick has gone away to Germany so it was just me and the twins yesterday. I have to admit I was little scared at first - what would I do if something happened, how will entertain them both, will they go to sleep or will I be up all night. But you know what I think I sailed through, the kids were good as gold and they're a little bit like their mum in that sometimes they just want to be left alone to sit by themselves (and watch TV).

Don't get me wrong I'm no supermum, I think I just lucked out - took a few deep breaths and reminded myself that there is no right or wrong in bringing up your kids and if it works for me then carry on doing it. It's not always going to go to plan but I'm less stressed because I don't second guess myself , I don't worry if it's the best way to do it - I just do it.

I'm over reading those "how to" books now, every time I read them, that's when I panic. These books are so forthright in trying to get you to follow a certain path, but have the people who wrote these books had children themselves, and more than one child - if so, did they not see that each child was different??!! I've also found that no book gave you any real surprises or different advice, it was just the same crap written in a slightly different way - some were more gentle and mummsy whilst others were more matronly and medical, but still every one - breast is best and let your house become a shit hole because you shouldn't clean or try to do anything but sit and watch your baby. Now as much as I love my children they are 5 months now and

1, they have the attention span of goldfish
2, they actually get pissed off with me if I invade their space for too long

So in the mean time, I will clean my house and do some washing and also write this blog. I'm long over the breast feeding as that was probably the most stressful time for all three of us - a vicious 3 hour circle of tension - not latching on - tears - little milk - screaming. I decided to let it go and let myself know that just because I don't breast feed, it didn't make me a bad mother and it didn't make me bond with my children any less, in fact I would so I bonded more as I was much more relaxed, comfortable and confident.

As I said at the beginning of this blog, things aren't always going to go to plan but you just have to tell yourself that you are doing the best you can and that as long as you see your children smiling and happy then that's all that matters