I let myself down as a mum again today. Having had to go to a hearing test this morning and with them going to playschool in the afternoon, I hadn't really seen them all day. So when I went to pick them up Olivia was a little clingy, which was fine, but then came the tears. She cried because she wanted her lunchbox - there was nothing in it - she cried because there was nothing in it! She cried because she wanted a drink - I didn't have one on me - she cried again. She cried because she didn't want to go home - I told her we were not going home but going to see her friend Lucy - that made her cry too. I needn't go on, you get the picture.
What it was, and I knew this really, was that she was tired, but rather like some rational, calm, serene mother that provided comfort and affection. I just became this ratty, bitchy, shouty mum who probably just amplified the situation and made things worse.
WHY DO I DO THAT?? I am the adult in this, yet I feel sometimes like a moody teenager who has been tasked with looking after their little brother/sister. I could feel myself getting angrier and more agitated, when really all it would've taken is a few more hugs, cuddles and soothing conversation to distract her.
Our children maybe quite manipulative some times, but they are also very vulnerable and sensitive. Every time I have shouted at them I get a pang of guilt because they're faces look very confused. I feel they're embarrassment. Sometimes I feel bad because I have shouted at them when when it wasn't really necessary but enough to get that vein throbbing slightly in my head a little.
I know that no parent or child is perfect and that raised voices, used in the correct way can be effective. I just don't want my children to look back at they're childhood and remember mum's "moods". Perhaps I need to take a few deep breathes or maybe just appreciate my children's needs a little bit more before re-acting so harshly.
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