Wednesday, 28 September 2011

Facing my fear

For those of you that don't know me too well or have not read my earlier blog pieces, I have a phobia of vomit, not a good thing to suffer from when it comes to being a mum.

Of course the twins were always returning bits of milk here and there when they were little, but now we're on to the chunky stuff, the kind that really scares me.

Don't ask me why and where my fear started as I'm not too sure, but it has been with me since the age of around 7. I have actually made myself terribly ill at times having fought the urge to spew, my body has remained full of bad things and therefore made me pretty much bed ridden, when had I not resisted, I would probably be right as rain within an hour.

The twins have been sick a few times over the past few months, however there has always been another person present and whilst I have not had to control the situation, nor have I really been able to cope with it.

Well, two days ago all of that changed my friends, as I found myself on my own with a baby and a car seat full of sick - gulp!!

Monday is shopping day, so I strap the kids in the car and head off on a 20 min journey to the supermarket. Now, we live pretty much out in the country and I'm used to there being lots of odd smells around wafting into the car. So when a slight whiff of curdled cheese drifted by me I put it down to some kind of new muck spreading on the farms. We do have mirrors that allow us to see the kids but I was only doing quick glances, oh except when Olivia began dancing along to a Destiny's Child song (if only I had a camera). Anyway, as the journey continued, the smell got stronger and it became a bit more familiar to me, it was beginning to smell very similar to what the kids had for lunch.

As I peered into the rear view mirror I became aware that Beaus blue top was now more multi-coloured!! Not only that, Beau's head was hanging down, so my first reaction was that he had passed out or choked on his vomit. My heart leapt into my mouth and I pulled into the side of the road without indicating (not good). Fortunately it turned out that Beau was actually looking down (and reading) a book - that acted as a receptacle for his vomit. When I called his name, he actually looked up...and smiled.

Deciding that I could not do anything on the side of the road, we all toughed it out for 10mins until we hit the supermarket car park. As you can imagine, I was a little bit panicky had to take a few deep breaths before I was able to get out of the car. The first thing I did was call Rick, but even as his phone was ringing I just thought to myself, what the hell's difference will it make me ringing Rick, what could he do from 25 miles away?? Needless to say that phone call lasted about 30 secs.

There was not an inch of Beau's clothing that was not covered, some vomit had even pooled in the little pocket of his top. The car seat was also a casualty of war, so there was no way I was going to avoid having contact with the enemy.

But, do you know what, when I looked at Beau and he looked up at me with a little fear in his eyes and made a little squeal, it was though someone placed a comforting hand on my shoulder and then I heard a voice in my head saying "You can cope with this Leah, you have to cope with this and you will. Just remember, the important thing is that you look after your son - this is not about you."

In that moment I felt so calm and then I guess my mothering instinct kicked in and in a methodical and composed manner. Normally, I don't take a change bag with me when I go shopping, but for some reason that day I did - complete with a change of clothes. so poor Beau had to endure a complete strip in the middle of the supermarket car park, but bless him, the boy did me proud and did not cry, scream or wriggle (possibly to do with the shock of being sat in his own vomit for 20mins!!)

Throughout this whole drama, Olivia was also amazingly calm, even though she had to remain strapped into her seat whilst I dealt with the whole situation. In fact, she kept my spirits up with her indecipherable chatter.

I was so very proud of the both of them, and for me it was also a victory.

Beau was perfectly fine after his little ordeal and happily chomped his way through half a pack of rice cakes and 2 slices of bread before I even got to the till in the supermarket!!

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