Sunday, 28 November 2010

I survived

Well it was just me and the twins this weekend as Rick headed off on his annual pilgrimage to Amsterdam with his friends.
He left very early on Friday morning so for three days I've been chief, cook and bottle washer all on my lonesome. Don't feel too sorry for me though as the twins were actually a dream, in fact, I think they were the most well behaved that they've ever been!

Do you think that they sensed that their poor mum was on her own or were they so bored of seeing my face that they just resigned themselves to the fact that I was the best that they were going to get all weekend?

I guess the only way to describe this weekend is like going for a swim in a mildly warm pool of water. You dip your toe in and at first its freezing and you think, there's no way I can get in there. But then you go for the whole foot, then a leg and then you think, sod it and just throw your whole self in and quite quickly, your body adapts to the shock and then you swim becomes enjoyable.

That's how my weekend went. I love my kids to bit but I did have a slight interpretation as to how I was going to deal with two on my own. So Friday morning was my little toe, then Friday night I had gradually increased to a leg and by Saturday afternoon I was pretty much doing laps!!

I think I just realised that the fact that it was only me that had to make the decisions and it was only me to answer to, so do as I feel and if it doesn't work or goes a bit tits up then you amend, comfort , clean and try again. Ultimately, it was about lying on my back and trusting the water (yes back to the pool analogy again!!) It was a case of sink or swim and I chose to swim - or at least keep my head above the water.

All my life I have been the most unorganised person I know, I tried to keep a diary but it was useless because I never wrote any of the dates for my meetings, doc appointments etc in it! I got to places late and would often write things down on bits of paper and then misplace it somewhere. My coat pockets are still my purse so I'm constantly digging out receipts, chewing gum and coppers from the bottom of them.

However when it comes to the twins, I have suddenly become extremely efficient in organising for them and I think that's what's helped me get through this weekend. I stuck to a routine and made an effort to arrange food, nappies, sleep stuff all ahead of time so everything was within hands reach and easy to put together.

I felt like I had a halo as big as a hula hoop (not the crisps!) all weekend and now as I sit here polishing it on Sunday night I look back at the weekend and feel not just proud of myself but also of the kids. Even though they don't know it or realise what they did, they actually looked after me. I found great comfort in their smiles, laughs, giggles - even their individual smells. In return for my hard work, they rewarded me with lots of cuddles, easy feedings and no (well not many) tears at bedtime.

The most dramatic thing that happened this weekend was that it was the first time I drove the twins by myself. Not the best weekend to choose as we experienced our first snow storm of the winter!! I do apologise for anyone that was driving along Kirkstall Road in Leeds at about 11am this morning in a tail back - the driver at the front would've been me going at about 10mph!

Throughout this whole process of being pregnant and then having the twins and being their mum I have actually been the most relaxed about myself and my life since I was about 12. Before this, everything I did in life, I would always think of the consequences, worry about whether I was doing things the right way - and try to please people all to my own detriment. Now, whilst I get a little niggle from time to time, I know that by the look on my children's face every morning, I'm must be doing something right.

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